Funmi Akingbade
A couple’s sexuality is one of the essential fabrics of their being.
When couples are not sexually expressing themselves satisfactorily, they are not really enjoying marriage to the fullest. Sex stimulates couples physically, mentally and bonds them spiritually. Sex affects couple’s health, enhances sleep, fights disease, augments the defense mechanism and creates a feeling of total wellbeing. Sex is just too good, clean, delicious fun.
One, many married couples think that fantastic, incredible, uplifting and relaxing sex is beyond their reach; I challenge you to have a re-think, because an intense and fulfilling sex life begins with a man’s or a woman’s thought and attitude about sex.
Two, it is not only within a couple’s power to have a passionate and stimulating fulfilling sex life but it is also a mate’s responsibility. The more prepared and active a partner is in seeking and giving pleasure to his or her mate, the more he or she will get thrilling and revitalising sex in return.
Three, some couples say “oh I can’t even remember the last time we made exceptional or unforgettable love.” Hmm. If that is the case, just stop for a moment and drop all you are doing and just for a moment, think about making passionate, hot, juicy, yummy-yummy love to your spouse right now and you will be amazed how aroused, ready and overwhelming you will be right away!!! You see!!!
Four, now with this level of feeling, arousal and readiness, give your spouse a call and book an appointment for a special meeting. Even if you are on a special ‘fasting assignment’, this special appointment can still be booked after the fast.
Five, to make sure you keep ‘this special appointment,’ please for once, give it an exceptional attention. If you work in an office, you may for once close before the closing hours to beat the traffic and be punctual for ‘this special appointment!’ If you are a business person, make sure everything is in place and put ‘this special appointment’ on your top priority list for the day. If you are a nursing mother, ask someone else to do the school runs for you and help take care of the kids just for a few hours to attend to your ‘special appointment.’
Six, when you are at the venue of ‘the appointment,’ be it in your home or a special eat out or a hotel or guest house or an unknown destination, please do not wait to be turned on, start by turning yourself on. How, you may ask-by still thinking on how tasty, fabulous and creative sex is going to be between both of you.
Seven, the more active your thoughts are the sexier you will feel. And the sexier you feel, the better sex will be regardless of your age, shape, weight, look, health, present prevailing situation; just name it! Just make sure you are in your best frame of mind because studies have shown that married partners with high self-esteem and better mindset enjoy brilliant sex to breathtaking, magnificent level more than those who do not feel good about themselves and think the worse of every situation.
Eight, if you as a married partner are experiencing a communication roadblock with your spouse and there seems to always be a great wall of misunderstanding between both of you on important issues, remember great sex is just another way of communicating with your lover. If you keep the line of good sexual communication open, you will be able to dialogue on other issues of life freely and sincerely.
Nine, what is sexual communication? Simply put, it is the ability to talk about what you find enjoyable, sensational, adventurous and memorable in a guilt-free atmosphere.
Ten, the more you occasionally or more often create room for this ‘special appointment’ scenarios, you will be amazed that the more both of you will have time to work on improving your sex life and the more some inhibitions and preconceptions about what you would or would not do with your husband or wife change for better.
Eleven, we are all sexual creatures and our bodies have a way of giving us first-hand information about our sexuality when we spend more time exploring the intricacies of the makeup of these bodies.
Twelve, in exploring what gets your spouse fired up, try not to be critical; your spouse’ sex drive is like a console with thousands of buttons that when you touch or tap or press rightly, you will in return get plenty of clichés as well as some strange and wonderful surprises that will encourage you for booking other special appointments.
Thirteen, this will take you two far into the worlds of various discoveries. For instance, would you believe that a turn-on for your spouse might just be an innocent thing, like food?
Fourteen, many couples don’t ever associate food with sex!
Fifteen, ‘I can’t get my husband’s food ready and at the same time be his fantasised sex partner; it’s not possible, one has to give way.’ This is a statement from a working-class wife who had a talk with me on the phone. ‘He wants his food and sex at the same time, I thought the ‘only way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’ Well, the truth is that even after you feed your man well with the best delicacies that money can buy; with an average husband, food and sex can still go hand-in-hand.
Sixteen, ladies, no matter what you think, it is what you do in bed and in other matters, apart from food, that will guarantee a sealed deal between you and your man.
Seventeen, I am not saying that giving him good sex is the ‘only’ way to set your marriage on the path of bliss. What I mean is that everything else could amount to nothing without great sex. As a matter of fact, sex is so important to your man, just as it is to other men, that it will be unwise not to live up to his expectation in bed while being a good cook.
Eighteen, although most women were not trained on how to make their men eat well and at the same time be good in bed and make their husbands scream their heads off in the heat of the action, it will not hurt to appreciate the fact that sex is an art that could be learned and practised alongside good food.
Nineteen, I want to talk about what every woman who wants to keep her man should know. They are little things that we always take for granted but which, frankly speaking, make a world of difference between satisfying our men sexually and therefore, making them to ask for more, like a baby, or alienating them and thereby, giving room to unnecessary quarrels in the home.
Twenty, to begin with, if there is one place in your home that you need to pay a lot of attention to, it is the kitchen and the bedroom. As much as every woman endeavours to keep her kitchen neat and good, wise women understand the need to turn the bedroom into one unpretentious sex theatre.
Twenty-one, everything in your bedroom must look, smell and taste sexy from the beddings to the décor and right down to the lighting. It is important to eliminate distractions by restricting, for example, the television set to the sitting room [where it really ought to be] and ensuring that books remain in the study.
Twenty-two, the bedroom should only be for making romantic, erotic and sexual conversation, curdling and sleeping in a peaceful manner and for making hot and unforgettable sex. Anything else is unacceptable.
Twenty-three, the kitchen has been known to be the woman’s territory. Well, in addition to this, ladies, you should keep their ‘sexual empire’ neat at all times. Nothing kills the passion faster than faded, unappealing and ugly grandma-type of underwear, or cheap, low quality brassieres and pijamas that are fit for only nursing mothers. Investing in good and sexy lingerie will not only elicit an appreciative response from your husband but will ensure that you get his praises for food well prepared and with undivided attention.
Twenty-four, flaunt your God-given body lustfully before your man while serving his meal because it’s your unique gift to him. A confident display of your body in a seductive manner is a sure fire turn-on for any man, and quite honestly, chances are he will not really care that your figure is not drop-dead, come-hither type that is guaranteed to keep many heads turning in its direction.
Twenty-five, it will not cost you a dime to be adventurous in your own bedroom. Place his food on a small side table in the bedroom; it is the perfect place to whet his sexual fantasy. While you are at it, remember that going through the same sexual routine all the time will lead both of you nowhere. Therefore, it is important to break the monotony by trying out something new.
Twenty-six, for example, you can decide to share his meal in-between you both on the bed and afterwards turn off the light and seal the dinner with ‘desert sex’ and surprise him with a bit of bedroom acrobatics. If he is always the one who makes the first move, now is the time to turn the table round and take the initiative for a change. Go all out to spice up your sex life. Dream up new ideas.
Twenty-seven, doing this will not make you look like a slut; rather it will transform you into every man’s dream. Believe me, with most men, there is nothing that is as thrilling as a wife with a creative mind, a spirited chef with a healthy sexual appetite.
Twenty-eight, if the kitchen activities are cumbersome, there are specialised caterers who specialise in preparing special local delicacy for sale. They are all around us. Once in a while, you can place an order and make do with such for a while. Some people can cook better than you do and feed your family well with a healthy balanced diet, but nobody else should be able to give him great sex. So, when it comes to placing priority, food and sex with man most times go hand in hand.
Questions and answers
Does it worth it please?
I dream of building a wonderful future with my present boyfriend but as much as he likes me, he is not willing to commit himself into marriage. I have not seen him with any other woman, yet he said he is not the marriage type. What can I do?
Emily Hamstrung
A committed relationship means sharing your life with someone even during troubled times. And these times are when that love will be most strained. Sometimes such men are just hesitant or more like a commitment-phobe. If he is hesitant to be sure of his decision, he may need extra assurance which I think you should provide or he may altogether be avoiding commitment. I think you have the red light already to help you think twice about putting too much effort into a relationship with the latter one. Ask yourself if they avoid sharing personal information, don’t show an interest in learning about your deep thoughts and feelings, or avoid talking about your relationship. These can all be signs of someone who has no intention of getting deeply attached to another person even when he loves you and showers you with gifts. Sometimes, it may be that they need you to change some things about yourself. Are there changes you are willing to make in yourself that would help him be more willing to commit? Your partner might be hesitant to commit because of concerns about the way the two of you relate, or more specifically about you. For instance, your partner might want you to be more affectionate or to learn to manage your anger better. Rather than just making excuses, you might help your partner make the decision to commit by agreeing to work on these changes. Anyway, I would advise that you do what you can to nurture a more committed relationship. But keep in mind that as long as your partner has not committed, it continues to be your decision as to whether to stay in that relationship or move on and remember if he is not committed, he does not deserve to be given wifely duties. Don’t give free milk; if not, he will never pay for the cow.
Could this be true?
I usually have this terrible back ache each time I make love to my wife of 14 years, it has always been very bad. As a matter of fact, to stand up after each season of sexual involvement is always a painful experience. But recently, I started having sex with her best friend and surprisingly, the three times we have made love so far, I have never for once had any episode of back ache. I am confused and beginning to wonder if it has to do with my wife.
Ogbonna Oluchika
Mr. Ogbonna, there is a tendency of you not experiencing back aches when you make love with your wife’s friend, not because you never had back aches, or it will not resurface, but because of the novelties of first time, novelty of change of sex partner and novelty of newness. This is usually applicable to anything and everything. The spirit of newness usually takes attention off lots of things. I can assure you that after many seasons of sex with this other fellow, you will start experiencing what you used to have with your wife with her also. Besides, stolen sex always seems sweeter because it is simply stolen!
I would rather you look into what makes your back hurt, such as sitting in a hunched posture. If you do it too much, it can flatten the natural curve of your spine and damage the cushioned disks between the bones. If you eat too much of sugary food too often, it can lead to inflammation and leave out nutrients you need to be strong. Your body needs lean protein, whole grains, fruits and veggies and healthy fats like those from avocado and salmon to build strong muscles, bones, and soft tissue in your back. Be sure to get nutrients like calcium, phosphorus, and vitamin D, too. Then if you have sex on the wrong mattress, your back will ache during and after. The mattress should be firm enough to support your back, but soft enough to fit the shape of your body and your wife’s.
Then when you sit, do not slouch as it makes back pain worse. Sit straight in a chair that supports your back and set the height, so your feet rest naturally on the floor. But no matter how comfortable you get, your back won’t like sitting for long stretches. Get up and move around for a couple of minutes every half hour to give your body a break. Also try not to skip exercising, you’re more likely to have back pain if you’re not active. Your spine needs support from strong stomach and back muscles. Lifting weights can help. So, can everyday activities like climbing stairs and carrying groceries. Low-impact exercises like walking, biking, or swimming can help protect the disks between the bones in your spine.
Do you smoke? Smokers are three times more likely to get lower back pain than nonsmokers. It can curb blood flow, including to your spine. That can make the cushioning disks between your bones break down quicker. It also can weaken bones and give you osteoporosis, and it can slow healing. Even coughs from smoking can cause back pain. If you smoke, make quitting your top health priority.
There is no miracle that will happen to your back if you are obese. Extra pounds can strain the bones and muscles in your back, especially if you gain weight quickly. Eat slowly so that your body has a chance to let you know it’s full. Mind the way you lift objects, heavy weights can strain your back and tire out muscles that you need to support your spine.
